The Blessing

The desert was hot and never ending, yet men of old lived there as tent-dwellers. I sometimes think of those days long ago when blessings were formal and given verbally from father to son. The richest blessings were traditionally given to the first-born male. I just wonder if things could have been different if the blessing was shared with all sons.

On February third in the nineteen eighties, twin boys were born – my sons. I instantly understood the responsibility and gravity of being a father to these boys. Instinctively, I knew that they needed their dad’s approval and later learned that they would need my blessing. I had heard the story of Jacob and Esau, but I wanted my twin sons to live with love for each other, not hate.

Like Issac’s twin sons of old, my twins were very different. They looked different and acted even more as individuals. One great aunt suggested rhyming twin names, but I stood defiant and said, “No, they are different, and their names will be unique to each of them.” They were rarely dressed in matching outfits.

As they grew the differences became more noticeable. A lady in our church who had known them for many years and clearly knew they were twins asked us once for the dates of their birthdays. We responded with the one date, February the third. She looked back at us with puzzled silence, and then replied with disbelief, “They are not twins, are they?” We reminded her that she had known that for many years. Reality came back to override what she saw in front of her.

The lady saw early teenage boys with a height difference and vastly different personalities, yet they were very much twins with a bond that would hold them together forever. The Army would separate them and challenge that bond one day. But before that day, they would come to an age when the father’s blessing would be needed.

How would I choose to bless my sons who were born four minutes apart? Would I, like Issac, create two blessings, or would I use one for both. It was obvious, just as it was obvious when I was asked about their names. They were very different, so the blessings would be tailored to the individuals, but both would be blessed equally.

If they were blessed equally and sent from their father to be a man in this world, my prayer was that they would accomplish much. That is, accomplish much from a deep heart of love. Plus, for these boys, I prayed that both would support and lift the other as they struggled through the trials of life. And so, I began to speak words of correction, love, and blessing in the teen years. All teen boys need correction and discipline. They were not the exception, but they also needed love and blessing to balance them.

As they prepared to leave home and serve our country, it was time to complete the blessing. They did not cook a meal for me or approach me for their blessing. I did not have a special speech for them. I just told them of the special men they had become, the pride I had in them, and that I would always be there for them. Still, they had more. They had each other with a bond that would hold them together, even though they may be thousands of miles apart.

Men – I watched as they deployed to war. I listened as one described feeling the pain of the other who was wounded in combat even though they were an ocean apart. I watched them counsel and support each other through the struggle to return to civilian life after war. I watched them love their wives and children. I watched them work and build their lives while living in cities far apart. Yet, I found them together every opportunity they could carve out.

Then the day arrived when I lost my wife of twenty-eight years, and my world fell apart. I was less than half of the person that I had been, because the best of me had died. I feared death would come quickly to me as well. The fear was valid due to severe atrial fibrillation, but broken heart syndrome was more of a threat.

My boys, now men, came to the rescue. They prayed over and for me. The boys that I had cared for as children now cared for their dad and pulled me through. They said little but showed me respect as their father and the love that I had shown them from birth. 

Respect and Love are the blessings a father gives his sons. Now, the blessing which I gave was given back to me, and I know they are passing it down to their children. The Blessing continues.

Blessings rooted in love overcome all things.

Happy Birthday to my sons, Thomas and Robert.

…..I lay the sins of the parents upon their children; the entire family is affected—even children in the third and fourth generations of those who reject me. But I lavish unfailing love for a thousand generations on those who love me and obey my commands. Exodus 20:5-6 NLT