Responding to a question from a friend last night I said, “Writing is my hobby.” Writing is still my hobby because I have not finished the book that I promised Pam I would publish, and I still have a full-time job. For years, I used my hobby to write our Christmas letter. Pam would add and cut parts. I would rewrite it. Finally, she would do the final edits and approve. Then, we would start putting them in the Christmas cards. It was one of the many things we loved doing together.
The book – finishing the book about Pam and our experiences with love was the last request she asked of me. Neither of us knew it would be the last thing she would ask of me when it happened. But none of us know when we will have the last conversation with the ones we love. Our last conversation was on July 13, 2022, at 8 PM. We spoke briefly on Thursday morning after she arrived in the emergency room. It was just long enough to remind each other how much we loved the other. Pam left for heaven on Saturday, July the 16th. She is with the Christ of Christmas this year.
As I write the Christmas letter tonight, nothing else in the year seems to matter to me. Still, what seems to be and what actually is reality can get blurred. As we approach the end of the year, we should all remember what is real, what is important, what is of love. Everything else can be blurred, but those things need our focused attention always.
So many times, we let other things take our time and attention away from those we love. The challenge in life is to find a way to make those people our priorities. For Pam and me, the priority was always love. Together or separated by miles, we shared love constantly up to our last words. I was blessed to have had the honor of spending the last twenty-eight years in love with Pamela, and I recognize from where such love came in our unified life.
I have known love since my birth. I grew up in a loving family and still today, even though my parents have passed, I am blessed by the love of my brother and sister. My children and grandchildren share love with me constantly. I have heard about the love of God from my earliest memories. Yet somehow, understanding the love of God seemed to elude me.
Did I not know that God sent his Son to our world at the time we call Christmas out of love? Did I not accept that love Jesus gave as He laid down His life so we could become God’s children and know God’s love? Yes, these things I knew, accepted, and understood as much as possible, but there is a difference in knowing love and experiencing love. Faith accepts what we cannot see, so by faith we can accept the love of God.
Experiencing love brings understanding on a deeper level. Thankfully God has mercy on people like me who, for whatever reason, need help to understand his love. For me, He sent someone who would capture my attention becoming the conduit for Him to my heart and understanding.
When I began to get to know Pam, it became clear that that she loved in a very special way. Her love was different and greater than I had ever seen before. I fell in love with her fast, but a few years passed before I could truly see that her love for others came directly from the love that she felt from God. Her face and whole being radiated love, but when she prayed or worshipped, she simply glowed. I was a witness to this many times over the years. Then, I began to understand that God worked through Pam to paint a picture of His love to those she encountered every day.
There was the person at a restaurant, friends, nurses, doctors, hundreds of children she loved to work with at church, family, our children, you, and me. God through Jesus demonstrated His love again to each and every one of us through a woman so perfectly named, Pamela Joy.
Now, here we find ourselves at Christmas of 2022 missing one so radiant who gave love and brought us joy which God lavishly gave to her. Can we take up her mission?
I may never be the person that she was, but she took me deep into the love of God, and so I will reflect God’s love as much as I possibly can to others, honoring both God and Pam because “God is Love”. I pray that you will also.
Merry Christmas with much love!
The Love of God!
Brad
“We know how much God loves us, and we have put our trust in his love. God is love, and all who live in love live in God, and God lives in them.”
1 John 4:16 NLT
Beautifully expressed and a holy challenge to us all, to radiate to others the love God has given to us. The love you have had for one another is a special love deserving of your story. I look forward to your finished work. And let it be said, Pam radiated God’s love, and your love for her reflected well the love of Jesus… for her and for His bride, the church. Merry Christmas!