Lessons of Life
There in the deep purple cushioned chair he sat reclined. His den was dimly lit with soft white lights. The temperature was at 74 degrees, because he likes it warmer these days. A chill ran down his spine. “Do I need to turn the heat up? Am I sick? No. I don’t feel good, but I am not sick, and it is comfortable here.” He pulls his wife’s throw blanket over him just to feel something on him.
Sixty-three years pass through his mind as if he was thumbing quickly through a picture book. He wonders why he always stops on the hard pictures that remind him of the bad times but flips by the good times so easily. Why? There were successes and triumphs in many pictures, yet his eyes stopped on the fewer failures. “I guess that’s how people are,” he thought. “We always go to the negative and dwell on what we have done wrong. Forgiving ourselves is…… much harder than forgiving those we love.”
His mind then unintentionally recalled all the things he hated about his life – one by one. “Why?” he wondered. It had been decades since some of those things came to his mind. Then he snapped out of it. That was the response he had learned to have. Was it natural? No! It was a skill he had developed.
He had taught himself little by little to ask forgiveness for his failings – forgiveness from others and from God. Once he had truly turned around, made things right as much as possible, and sought forgiveness, he had learned to let it go. He did not allow himself to dwell on the things from the past that had been forgiven. Was it easy now? A little easier year after year, but it always had to be intentional.
Letting things go and choosing not to dwell on the forgiven failings of the past was a hard choice that required discipline. Like now in the recliner in his comfortable den, he had to hold to his choice and push the failings of the past from his mind, replacing them with a new thought – a better one. He chose a special day.
“My birthday is two days away,” his thoughts continued. “My wife is asleep. She is a beautiful woman who loves me. My children are grown and my grandchildren are growing up. The oldest turns eighteen today. The youngest will be three years old just a little over two weeks away. Do all six of them know that I love them? Do they know all of the mistakes I have made? What do they really need to know about me? What should I tell them?”
The man throws off the blanket, gets up from the soft purple chair, and goes to his desk. He finds his notepad and begins to write a note to his grandchildren.
“To those I love who are so dear to me, my children and my grandchildren:
Follow Jesus
Live life with love
Forgive yourself and others
Accept grace for yourself and give grace to others
Do not accept lies. Accept and trust the truth.
Let go of the pain of the past
Hold on to everything good, living in this moment
Follow Jesus.
Don’t follow preachers, churches, or people. Read Jesus’s words and follow them. His words will lead you to live in love.
Live life with love.
That sounds simple and easy, but it is far from that. Love is not self centered, or even about you. Love God and Love Others. Love is naturally about others and requires sacrifice. Love is about treating others as you would like to be treated.
One warning – If you are investing love in someone who does not love you in the same way, then reassess how close they can be to you. Treat them with respectful love, but reserve the closest places in your life for those who love you sacrificially, like you love them.
Forgive others and yourself.
The ability to forgive is found in love and in experiencing forgiveness yourself. We all make mistakes, choose the wrong things, and hurt others at times. You are no different than anyone else, so you will do all of those things. (If you think you are perfect and this doesn’t apply to you, then we will talk about believing lies later.) You would like to be forgiven when you do do the wrong thing, so what should you do?
When you do something wrong or fail, ask God and anyone you hurt, to forgive you. Change your actions and do the right things.
When someone hurts you and asks for forgiveness, give it. Let go of the right to get even or hurt them back. Treat them with respect and love.
There is a time to forgive others before and even without that person asking for it. This could be when you know their heart and intentions are good, or maybe when it is in your best interest to move on without them. While it is good for the other person to acknowledge their failure and ask for forgiveness, forgiving others is much more for you than them. Why?
There is an old image that starts to answer this question. It goes like this: “Holding on to unforgiveness is like holding a hot coal in your hand. The longer you hold it, the more flesh it burns away.” Today it would be like putting your hand on a stove top burner, then refusing to take your hand off it.
Is it possible to be so mad and so stubborn that we refuse to do what is best for us? Yes, we do it even though we are actually hurting ourselves. For some strange reason our anger lies to us, making us believe we are hurting the other person. How foolish. We are the ones burning up inside.
In that moment, we cannot see the many years of suffering that moment may bring to us and those who love us. Holding your hand on a red hot stove burner out of anger and stubbornness would leave you with a lifetime of pain, scars, and misery. In the same way, not forgiving others (or yourself) will do the same to you inside your mind, spirit, and heart.
Accept grace for yourself and give grace to others
Sometimes accepting forgiveness and grace for our mistakes is harder than giving it to others. Grace is showing goodwill or favor to someone, not because it was earned, but simply and freely given to them. Can we ever earn someone’s favor after hurting them? Possibly, but what would it take and how long would it take? Truthfully, without grace we may never be able to earn forgiveness for some of our blunders.
God shows the ultimate grace to us. We can show grace also. It is a choice. It is a decision to value those around us while overlooking their mistakes and differences. Grace is the healing part of forgiveness. Giving grace is a loving thing to do. So, show grace to others, accept it from others, and give it to yourself. No one, including you, is perfect.
Do not accept lies. Accept and trust the truth.
In life we are pelted with an abundance of lies. You are designed to know the difference in lies and truth. One of the biggest lies is that truth is relative to the person. Yes, there are gray areas at times, but truth will become evident. Today, many things have been turned upside down to convince us that a lie is the truth. Don’t be confused. Truth can be found and seen if you look and ask.
Here is an example from my hardest days. If you experience severe anxiety, any hiccup in your body could trigger the thoughts that you are dying. Yet a doctor would examine you and declare that you were fine. Now, it would be your choice as to what to believe. You can choose the lie of your feelings or the truth of the test. The solution of accepting the truth is much harder to do than it is to explain. The process is simple – reject the lie and accept the truth. “You are not dying; that is a lie. The truth is that you are in good health.” Now the task is to convince yourself of the truth and stand firmly against the lies.
This can apply to all aspects of your life. Someone can hurt you, leaving you to feel that you are not loved, but a quick survey of others will show you that you are indeed loved. A work colleague may unwittingly say that you are not capable of a task, but you know you have done it several times before. The lies in life can paralyze you, but the truth will set you free to live and love.
Let go of the pain of the past
Let it go. The hardest lesson to learn in life is to let it go. It’s a choice you make over and over in life. You will always remember things that you did to hurt others, yourself, and God. Likewise, you will remember the things others did to you. Do all you can to seek and give forgiveness. Extend grace and receive it. Love always. Then, let go of what you cannot change. Let go of the pain from others. Let go of anything that drags you to the ground. With great courage, find a way to take the painful moments in life and extract lessons from those experiences to help you build a better life in the future. Then, let it go again.
Why do I say “Let it go again?” At various times, for a myriad of reasons, your mind will recall events and times. Some of those are good, and some are bad. At times, things that have been forgiven and left behind come back to the forefront. This can be tormenting, depending on the event and pain associated with it. Pushing it down is unhealthy. Just open the thought long enough to review your previous decisions to let it go. Verify that all is forgiven and closed, then let it go again.
I have let go of some things over and over. Each time it gets a touch easier and a little faster. The critical thing to remember is that what happened in the past, is in the past. We cannot change the past, but we can forgive and let it go.
Your choice is to live in torture of the past, or recognize it, forgive it again, and let it go. Just place it symbolically in the palm of your hand, extend your hand, and let the wind take it away.
Hold on to everything good living in this moment
Now that you have forgiven, shown grace, rejected the lies, held hard to the truth, and let go of the pain of the past, hold to the good memories of the past while living in this moment to its fullest.
If you live for yesterday or tomorrow, you will lose the beauty of this moment. Live in love, now and every moment you encounter after this one.
I love you all,
Dad / Granddaddy
As the man dropped his pen on the notepad, he walked back and settled into the soft purple recliner under the blanket and drifted off to sleep.
It felt like a dream…
I woke up this morning and read the note on my pad. It brought a tear to my eye because it had taken me sixty-three years to learn all these lessons.
So, to my first granddaughter, Peyton, on your eighteenth birthday, I pray that you know how much you are loved. And I pray that you, along with all my grandchildren, can learn from your granddaddy and avoid years of struggling to learn the truths of life.
I pray that the blessings of God will flow through me to a thousand generations that follow.
All my love
Granddaddy