The Shower

Sunday, July Twenty-Fourth in a Durham, North Carolina Hotel

The shower in the hotel room was hot. Adjusting the faucet made little difference to the temperature, but it was bearable. The water hit my skin and ran over my face as memories flooded my mind. There was a night, a long time ago, when the shower was even hotter. I could not make it any cooler at all. So many memories are flooding. I think that the memories are why I was in the emergency room last night.

The doctor was a soft-spoken kind soul. He was wise beyond what he looked to be in years. My sister-in-law told him what had to be said. Tracie was the rock I needed to help me feel safe. She spoke clearly and just with the facts. “He lost his wife in the past week,” she said. 

I could not push the words out. I was so thankful she was there. Now, I was able to answer the rest of the questions for the nurse.

Then my mind drifted back to the pictures which I had been looking at all day. “She was so beautiful,” I said. It just blurted out. I really should not be saying that all the time I guess, but it just wells up when I….

The stories keep rolling through my mind. I heard them today as I gathered with her extended family. Then it hit. The anxiety felt as if it would run my heart at the same speed my mind was going. So, I ruined the day for the family as the paramedics rolled me out. 

But the love of her family – our family – sustained me and comforted me. I would rather have been with them and have this happen, than not to have been with them. Still, I hated causing such a disruption.

Now it is morning. The long night in the ER is over – and sleep has refreshed my body, soul, and mind. Now, here in the shower, I can see in my mind that long ago night so clearly.

The water in the shower was hot, burning hot. My darling Pam did not hesitate. She stepped in to wash the hair spray out that held her long brown hair in a bun on the back of her head. It had to burn with pain. Then she stepped out of the shower smiling and said, “My dreams came true today.” I was stunned – not just that she endured the hot shower, but that she was still smiling. 

Most of all, I was still in awe of her, “I Do” just a few hours before.