I sat in my apartment dumbfounded. What should I do about Valentine’s Day? Or, should I do nothing? I remembered asking that question many times in my life. You know what I mean. What kid has not questioned who to give a special valentine to at school? As a teenager, we are terrified to give a valentine to our crush. But this time felt very different. I wasn’t just nervous or confused – it was important that I get it right. It was Saturday, February 12, 1994.
If you have never read my story “Right Turn in Life”, you may want to detour and read it. What comes next follows where that story left off. https://wrecklessbooks.com/right-turn-in-life/
On my twin sons’ (Thomas’s and Robert’s) birthday, the kids were going to their mother’s house for a birthday party. I had accepted a date for pizza with Pam for the time they were going to be with their mom. In the middle of the afternoon, their mother became sick and could not have them over as planned. When I arrived home at 5:30, I found her message. (Remember the days of notes on the door, messages on the machines, and other communications before cell phones…) Everything was fluid when I called Pam to tell her that it looked like I would need to cancel. I hoped she would forgive me and consider a rain check. Instead, she told me to bring everyone over to her house, and we would order pizza for a small, impromptu party. We did. Pam and I said hello and goodbye that crazy night. The rest of the time was all about the birthday.
On February 11, 1994, at Bailey’s Bar and Grill in Pineville, NC, Pam and I had our first real date. We played pool and had a nice dinner, but it was too noisy for us, so we went to Celebration Station just down the road. All we managed to do was to exchange adult noise for child noise, because Celebration Station was a game place with putt-putt and go-carts outside. We were used to talking while children played around us. We did it every week, but we wanted more this night. We wanted to talk quietly without interruption so we could get to know each other better – deeper.
At 11:30 PM we rolled into Pam’s driveway and stopped. She said, “I would ask you to come in, but my roommate is probably in bed by now.” It was obvious that neither of us were ready for this date to end, so one word led to another. We found the deep conversation that we had been longing for all night. Minutes turned into hours. I noticed Pam shivering in the early morning cold of February and turned on the car to see what time it was. 5:00 AM read the car clock! We were both shocked at the sight. How had five-and-a-half hours passed in what felt like minutes?
I walked her to the door and realized that I desperately needed to go to the restroom. Pam quietly opened the door and checked the bathroom just in case her roommate was up early. The coast was clear, so I tiptoed down the hall and back. Pam now held the front door open with her back so I could go out quietly. As I passed by, I turned facing her. Suddenly, I kissed her. It was more of a drive-by peck than a kiss, but I startled myself. “Why did I do that?” flashed through my mind, but my feet were already running for the car. In the car, I sat before starting the engine. I was so confused. I kissed her. Then I ran! Why did I do either of those? “What was happening to me?
I was still asking the same question later that day, February 12, 1994. I had to answer the question before I bought her a Valentine’s Day card. Should I even buy her one at all? We were just really good friends, right? Still, I sensed something had started to change last night. It was just my imagination, wasn’t it? I wrestled back and forth with myself until I was as exhausted mentally as I was physically from being up all night. So, I decided by default. I would buy her a friendship Valentine’s card.
It was that friendship that grew over the next few weeks into love. It was that friendship that led to a proposal just five months later. It was in that friendship that we married the next January. It was on that friendship that our life together rested for twenty-eight years. It is her friendship that I miss most today.
I thought maybe it was love that Saturday before Valentine’s Day in 1994. “Maybe I should continue the spark from the early morning doorway of her house with a love card that would move us forward,” I thought at one point. But it was always the friendship we shared that filled our lives with love.
Maybe some of us think too much or have Valentine’s Day upside down. Maybe it’s not today’s definition of love, but friendship, the purest form of love that should be celebrated today. I think I just found myself back in grade school with a Valentine for everyone.