Just Because The picture above is of Pamela Joy Baker taken on the day we were married, 1-14-1995. Actually it was taken before the ceremony, so technically it is of Pamela Joy Hartman. I never saw this picture until the day I was pulling pictures together for her funeral service. Now, it is one of…
Cold Rainy January Day
All through the house, I heard the same disappointed thoughts coming out of everyone’s mouth. “The day is ruined.” “This is terrible.” “What are we going to do?” “Why today?” Everyone was concerned as they prepared to leave for the church. The rain was so heavy that just walking to the car would soak your…
Vastly Different Perspectives
12-25-2022 Pamela Joy, Watching the grandchildren open their Christmas morning presents, I realized that I had just as much fun watching your face and excitement while you watched them. It was only half the fun without your smile and laughter. I cooked breakfast, but there was no one to brown eggs for this year. Lee…
Christmas Letter 2022
Responding to a question from a friend last night I said, “Writing is my hobby.” Writing is still my hobby because I have not finished the book that I promised Pam I would publish, and I still have a full-time job. For years, I used my hobby to write our Christmas letter. Pam would add…
Grief and Healing 5 – The Birthday
Pamela Joy, Here I am on what would have been your 60th birthday. It was always the best day of the year for me. It was our biggest holiday of the year since we fell in love in 1994. Why did it become my favorite day of the year? Do I really need to explain…
Grief and Healing 4 – The Fog of War
Dad knew the fog of war. I do not. In 1944, my dad was in a field between hedge rows in France. His duty had several facets. He was a soldier who was responsible to engage the enemy, drive them back, win the battle and win the war. He was also responsible for keeping the…
Grief and Healing 3 – The Moment
Sitting in church on September 4, 2022, I was much better, but still feeling the intermittent pain of my wife’s passing. Pam was bright in every way. She stood out in a crowd and people were drawn to her smile. They soon found her to be a loving person who was generous with everything and…
Grief and Healing 2 – The River
This is Where I Live I found myself there in the river’s current. I thought I could swim out at first, so I headed toward the river bank. Stroke after stroke after stroke, but when I looked up the bank was further away. The current was pulling me to the center and down the river…
Grief and Healing 1 – Compassion Fatigue
In the large hotel ballroom, Julie began her address to the conference. Julie Wood was presenting the keynote address for the day at 8 AM to a group of regulatory officials and industry stake holders. I did not know that she was going to address the grief I was trying to conceal. “You’re very good…
The Shower
Sunday, July Twenty-Fourth in a Durham, North Carolina Hotel The shower in the hotel room was hot. Adjusting the faucet made little difference to the temperature, but it was bearable. The water hit my skin and ran over my face as memories flooded my mind. There was a night, a long time ago, when the…